Pirates Refuse to Sail with Carnival
More PR Pain for the Cruise Line
By Mike Groves
Well I’ve never looked at the issue of piracy at sea as anything near funny but I have to admit I was almost wetting myself with laughter when I read this great Andy Borowitz blog last night – its hilarious.
According to Borowitz tongue in cheek article, gleaned no doubt from ‘verifiable intelligence’ Somali pirates are now equally fearful of boarding any carnival ships these days or for the foreseeable future it seems, citing serious Heath and Safety concerns!
Even swashbuckling, armed to the teeth pirates have woken up to the on off dangers of cruising with 'CARNIVORE' Cruise Lines. As Borowitz reports directly from the imaginary front line just outside Mogadishu, this is yet another ‘public relations setback for the beleaguered cruise ship company, Somali pirates today stating they would no longer board Carnival Cruise ships, citing “unsafe working conditions.”
“If Carnival thinks that it’s going to be business as usual between them and the Somali pirates, they need to have their heads examined,” said Somali pirate spokesman Sugule. “We Somali pirates may be bold, but we’re not crazy.”
The fifth anniversary of the berserker*and sustained vented attack against the Seabourn Spirit in November 2005 has just passed, something I will never forget because I’m still in agony at times with this darn leg and arm of mine, but Andy you made me howl out laughing. ONLY NOW have I come to realize that maybe, just maybe these bloodthirsty pirates were not intent to kill and maim at all? Clearly they just recognized one of the very few 6 star vessels that Carnivore actually have in their fleet and only wanted to pop on board and enjoy some of our finest caviar washed down with a glass of Bollinger!! I have clearly missed the point for all these years and now realize why they were really so determined to get on board??
Now being pirates of evident taste and distinction, I’m sure when off duty they would only be found in the most discerning of establishments around the city of Mogadishu? Lets be honest if you were a pirate looking for a charming cruise ship to enjoy a splendid afternoon seated at the Veranda Restaurant, wouldn’t you much prefer Seabourn rather than a plain ole Carnivore ship that only knows how to hand out conveyor belt hospitality?
Borowitz went onto to report that the pirate spokesman added that the recent fire that crippled Carnival Splendor “has sent a shiver through the pirate community.” “We Somali pirates face enough risks without dealing with decks bursting into flames,” he said. “And don’t get me started on the nonfunctioning toilets.”
Pirates Refuse to Board Carnival Cruise Ships?
Apparently its really unsafe (tongue in cheek story)
By Mike Groves QGM
Cruise Bruise Security And Safety Advisor
November 13, 2010
Jolly Roger not looking so Jolly after all
It is clear why the pirates who attacked my ship in 2005 looked so dejected as they turned their boats around and headed for home, you can hear it now can’t you ‘Awfully sorry chaps, no caviar today - what!!'
NOTE for Carnival - I have the right not to take the issue seriously in this and only this particular article, should I choose to do so! YOU never have nor ever will, so don't think I am not watching or don't care anymore. Toe the line and don't cut corners again for the sake of profit over safety.
*Berserkers (or berserks) were Norse warriors who are reported in Old Norse literature to have fought in a nearly uncontrollable, trance-like fury, a characteristic which later gave rise to the English word berserk............NOT TOO DISIMILAR TO MY FOUL LANGUAGE ON THE MORNING OF THE 5th NOVEMBER 2005!!
